There are psychological phenomenons that arise in “twinship” or “twinhood” that cannot be fully understood unless lived. As twins/multiples know, there is a bond that is unique and beautiful and (sometimes) burdensome. Some examples of negative experiences discussed by twins in therapy are below:
Identity Development
Individuality vs. Differentiation: Twins often struggle to differentiate their own preferences, interests, and self-concept from that of their twin’s.
Comparison pressure: Constant comparison by family, peers, and teachers (appearance, achievement, behavior) can lead to self-esteem issues.
Role assignment: Families may unconsciously label one or the other, which can limit identity exploration.
Autonomy & Separation
Difficulty with separation: Because twins often have intense early bonds, transitions such as starting separate classrooms, leaving for college, or moving out can provoke significant anxiety or grief.
Guilt or fear. When one sibling achieves something first (relationships, academic success), they may feel guilty or worried about leaving the other behind.
Interpersonal Boundaries
Enmeshment: Some twins and multiples develop blurred emotional boundaries, making it harder to form independent friendships or romantic relationships.
Conflict avoidance: Because of the closeness, disagreements may feel especially threatening, leading to suppressed anger or resentment.
Attachment & Social Development
Peer relationships: Strong twin bonds can be protective but may also delay social skill development with non-twins.
Triangulation: In groups of three or more (especially triplets), shifting alliances or exclusion can intensify jealousy and social stress.
Family and Cultural Factors
Parenting style: Parents who overemphasize twin identity (matching clothes, joint activities, same friends) may inadvertently slow individuation.
Public attention: Strangers’ fascination can reinforce performance or comparison anxiety.
Other Mental Health Risks
Anxiety and depression: Especially during life stages involving separation or big differences in paths taken.
Body Image Concerns: Heightened by direct comparison of weight, size, or appearance.
Dependency patterns: Sometimes mirrored in later friendships or romantic relationships.
The strengths and support of twinship is wonderful to recognize, as well. Included in that long list are:
I strive to offer twins or multiples to explore their dynamics individually (twin can join in on sessions as-desired), and as adults, understand and learn from their relationship with their multiple in order to have a healthier and stronger relationship to self and others.